Workplace Diplomat Gifts

"Now that you learned how to handle difficult students, you will have to learn how to handle difficult colleagues."

Conflict Resolution Training - Cancelled Due To Disagreement Over Venue.

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"I never believe office gossip unless it's backed by some substantial rumors."

'Management and labor working in tandem.'

"I hear the workers hate your guts, Batson. Keep it up."

'I never hold a grudge...after I get even!'

'I take it this department has had conflicts.'

'On your way out could you ask my receptionist to bring in the Peters file? She isn't talking to me today.'

"My birthday is coming up in a couple of days - don't you think you'd better get busy and take up a collection for my gift?"

Coach notes the complaints of an employee.

"The boss just stopped and squinted at me! Either I"m in big trouble or he's lost is glasses again."

"Your boss called. Twenty dollars and I'll tell you how you screwed up. Fifty dollars and I'll tell you how to fix it before you call her back."

"If we're a team, the manager should take the heat!"

"Come on! You can squeeze in with us!"

"The new boss might seem severe, but he won't bite your head off!"

"I'm through sending friendly reminders, Jerry. Are you coming to the potluck or not?"

'This is Freddy and if you've got to work with him today, pour a few extra spooons of sugar into your coffee because Freddy is completely embittered.'

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

How to talk to a mathematically untalented boss.

'Just tell him you're keeping your nose to the grindstone. Don't overdo it.'

'I do kiss up, but there's no tongue involved.'

"Keep up the good work and there'll probably be a nice promotion in it for me."

How's the boss today? Should I push his buttons or pull his chain?

'Someone must have done it after hours.'

'I don't like to be critical, but that's only because you don't take criticism well.'

Two workers chatting by vending machine: 'Who are you working on at the moment?'

'While they always come back as unfounded, maybe you could prevent these allegations of sexual harassment by not telling people you like the cut of their jib.'

'He pats my back, but I don't pat his.'

Avoiding bosses on stairs vs. elevator.

'He's getting praise from another manager. You might want to ante up.'

'Why can't this company live like one big family?' - 'That's exactly the problem.'

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'We have two grievance committees... one for real slights and one for those imagined.'

"I suppose I could, John. But then everyone in upper management would will want a hug."