Office Comics Pillows

'You can take down your little sign, Marlene, we're switching over to computers on Monday.'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

In and Out Trays

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

"I started in the Lab and worked my way up."

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

"No, son, there's no severance package."

"Corporate Diversity would like you to get a sex change."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'You impressed one of our new managers in Calcutta so much, he's arranged for you to marry his daughter.'

'We need more boots on the ground.'

'This came in from somewhere. Could you send it somewhere else?'

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

"In this company we don't just appreciate our workers. We celebrate them from their first until their last day, which as you might have noticed for you has come today."

"Words cannot describe my feelings for your work, so I've sent you a string of vicious emojis."