Office Comic Pillows

'We won't exactly be firing you, Brubaker. However we are switching to an all-volunteer work force.'

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

'Something is wrong with the laser printer!'

"When he's awake, he can work circles around me."

In and Out Trays

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

"All I said Timpson, was 'my door is always open'. I never said anything about my mind."

'Sims, thought it was the data, but it's actually you that's flawed.'

"Wait a minute...isn't this blasphemy? I thought that it's not allowed to depict idiots!"

"Good news. We've downgraded our recruitment intensity level from "nationwide search" to "anyone with a pulse"."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

'This is our team of fat cats...'

'Perkins, Rollo and I would like to discuss this expense account of yours...'

'Hello, customer service? No, I don't have trouble with your products. I don't even know your company. I just want someone to yell at.'

'Your job hasn't been downsized... it's capsized.'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

"I think 'hot desking' works better with more than one desk."

"Did I say 'Yada Yada Yada?' My mistake! This is the 'Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom' portion of my presentation!"

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

"It gets lonely at the top so I started a CEO social media site."

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'We need to hire someone who knows how to develop consumer-product relationships. Do you know any drug pushers?'

'This is a business, Peterson, not a democracy.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

Sports metaphors

"Welcome to the team. Now put on your Groupthink Glasses!"

"I told you, no "funny business," Anderson."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

Applesauce, pea soup, candied yams.

"While you were out, somebody with three names called."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'