Office Breakroom Navigator Gifts

"Please make regular coffee in the pot with brown trim and decaffeinated coffee in the pot with orange trim, so people can tell what kind it is. And do not tarry at the vaulted coffee niche."

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"I go that extra mile!"

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

'We need to schedule a few impromptu meetings...'

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

You are here.

Board of Directors enter the 'Tunnel of Corporate Love'.

"He can give you five minutes if you can find him."

'I know...he must have taken a big shortcut on his career path.'

'With my degree in law and in physics, I hope to create resonable doubt.'

"According to the most recent report, we have no recourse but to abandon ship."

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Farkas can't see you right now. Can you come back when you're more important?"

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

'We may be bankrupt, but we're not broke.'

Bureaucratic castle

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

'He is expecting you about your raise request. He will see you in a few minutes...'

Working from Home with Kids

'And this is Paul, who writes our 'Voice of Sanity' column.'

Man at huge desk with a map entitled, 'Map of the Desk'.

'I might be able to get you off if a chain of near miraculous rulings happen to occur.'

"It's the break room, Ed. There are people in there, too. I know it's hard, after all that time working from home, but you're going to have to start getting used to them again."

Business Mouse

'Get me personnel!'

"You have reached your destination (for the 4th time tonight, I might I add?)"

"I think we'd be lucky to have you taking over even if you weren't untainted."

"Are we there yet?"

"Of course the most important skill they can acquire is the ability to multi-task!"

It's important to get to know the unspoken rules of office life...