Offensive Coordinator Gifts

Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, Post-Touchdown Choreographer

In a cost cutting move, NFL teams begin outsourcing jobs once held by domestic offensive coordinators.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'If only every year was an election year.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

"I'm hanging tough, guys, but have I mentioned how much I resent you for always making me hold the table?"

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

'I've no objection to children, darling, as long as they're carefully colour co-ordinated.'

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

OK, so maybe we've all overscheduled our kids a little.

"No, your other, other, other, other, other, other, other left."

Woman trying to straighten a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

"It's from our 'Time Management' trainer. He's double booked and can't come!"

"For cryin' out loud, are you signing up or not?"

Matching Outfits

"New York are at Lunch, Munich are at Coffee and Tokyo are at Lunch."

"We find putting the customer first works for us!"

"I take offense, therefore I am."

Walk the dog.

"And this bit down here is about actually how to do the job."

'Just kidding, sargent

'It's not as bad as it looks! It's essential training, I think some of them quite enjoy it. A bit like a horror movie.'

Bunny rabbit helping Santa - 'I hate interns.'

Logistics department plans.

'Bad news. Intelligence has just learned that God is on the other side.'

Joe and Joe, synchronized thinkers.

"See, that's why we don't shoot them out two at a time, Bob."

'We're delaying the operation until we come up with a catchy name.'

'You want to leave your body to science - how about someone with A-level science?'