Awards Coordinator Gifts

"I had no idea the awards ceremony was today."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Cat Show

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

Win - win

Deadline

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Education and Apprenticeships

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'This one is for Hide and Seek.'

Employee of the month...

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'Just to keep everybody on their toes, let's can the employee of the month.'

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.