Off-menu Explorer T-Shirts

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Where would you recommend for a tech-free experience.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

American style Greek cafe.

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Those enormous worldwide internet communities.'

Coffee

'Whatever he's eating.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

Heart Disease Menu

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

What's the insect de jour?