Menu Avoider T-Shirts

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Fast Food Menu Selections

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"....and hold the garlic."

Coffee

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Whatever he's eating.'

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

Heart Disease Menu

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'