Odds Observer Gifts

"Don't you think I should at least get a no-claims bonus?.. None of my horses have ever won!"

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

I'm sorry, the pension fund was beaten by two lengths!

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

I like the look of that 'Trojan Boy'.

'He's the type that gives racing a bad name.'

"It says here that you have a better chance of being abducted by aliens than winning the Powerball jackpot."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

'How can you be so cheap?'

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

Oculist.

"It's not what you do, it's what people see that counts"

An opinion, An opinion with a lot of money on top,

Regional manager Dan Blunquist introduces a disgruntled employee to his new open-door policy.

'There's a horse in the next race called 'Taxman' - he MUST win!'

'Is your holiday really necessary ?...Your company first!'

"I was called, I was chosen - I was sacked."

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

"I'm sick of Mr. Rod complaining about me behind my back...especially when he does it right to my face!"

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."