Obituary Reader Gifts

The end is nigh - Obit.

Gen-Next Library

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'My daughter says I'm hopelessly outdated...'

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

'Bront?saurus.'

Jane Austen

"Boy, these are really overdue!"

'What are you staring at? . . . Please save me from the English majors.'

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

Romy Schneider

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Cat reading Rommel biography.

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

'Oooh! My cousin got a 5 star review! What's it say?'

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

You read the instruction manual for a video game for your book report?

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

'Of course I know how to read the water, but I my glasses fell overboard.'

"You in there! This is the Microsoft Police. Throw out your books and come out with your hands up."

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

George Orwell.