Obituary Observer Gifts

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"Just catching up with old friends."

"Say, here's something interesting, your old boyfriend is in the paper. . . in the obituaries!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

Life and Death

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"I love people-watching."

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

Where the Wild things Aren't.

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

Our occupations? I am a student of The Contemporary Scene and my friend, here is an observer of The Passing Parade.

Highway of Life. No, Ernie, we're on cruise control. It just seems like we're going faster the further we go.

'Have you noticed it, too?'

"Yee-ouch! That's gotta hurt."

An opinion, An opinion with a lot of money on top,

'I can't believe it. Wagner just must be better than he sounds!'

'You're wrong - this is brain surgery!'

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

"You're not old. You just have more leeway to scold strangers, and their kids, and feel good about it."

"Dr. Cosgrove will be here in a minute. He's been cramming for this operation."

Hearse on an emergency

'I'm sorry to say that one among you is not pulling his weight... I don't think it's necessary to name names.'

'Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob.'