Will Reader Gifts

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Bront?saurus.'

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

Jane Austen

Ok, ok, last page.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'The only New Year's resolution he's still got intact is not to watch the England cricket team in Australia on television.'

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

'Go and fish Darling, I'll be fine: I have some reading for the next few weeks...'

Stories about crumbs

TV vs Reading

Books*. *Batteries not included.

Reading in a hammock.

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

'What are you staring at? . . . Please save me from the English majors.'

The Subtitle

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."