Tombstone Reader Gifts

I had better days. R.I.P.

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

Can I have a look at the map?

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Ol' Pete was an angler to the end.'

Maternity ward.

'Are you going exploring or retrieving a duck?'

'So much for your internal compass.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Javert" Would Like To Use Your Current Location

"You have reached the edge of town."

Print Suicide

"I dropped my goblet!"

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Exactly what the forecast on telly.'

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"

Manual Labor.

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

"I don't care what the map says, this isn't Sheffield."

Lab rat in maze, sees 'you are here' map.

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

"Do you get the feeling we're being watched?"

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!