Nutrition Gifts

The Last Thanksgiving

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

'How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?'

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"I want you to cut down on the salt lick!"

A health food store uses a salt substitute to salt the sidewalk.

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Bacteria Special Offer

"You've got the blood pressure of a teenager ? who lives on junk food, TV and the computer."

New Studies Show All Foods Bad For You.

'The 'Humungo Meal' comes with your choice of 2 sides...heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes or obesity.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Chicken and the Food Pyramid,

'She read the ingredients listed on the label.'

Overweight kids in US schools.

'Let's start by lowering your dosage of Omega-3.'

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'I don't know whether the fish oils have helped his concentration but they've certainly helped keep the fly population down.'

'All the nutritional benefits of regular worms without the hassle of having to get up early.'

'Let's see...we've taken you off smoking, drinking and rich food. What else do you enjoy?'

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

'Is it okay if we just eat the newspaper?'

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

'I read that you should only have a portion of meat about the size of your palm!'

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

"This new grocery store is divided into two sections: organic and things I can afford."