Nutrient Seeker Gifts

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

"It's all down to turmeric!"

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'He lives for his holidays.'

Low-Energy Drinks

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

Honest Vending

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

"It's just a tree."

If you're happy and you know it...

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are THAT big...

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

Too much monkey business...

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Pesky students.

He likes to make work fun

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."