Nursery Rhyme Writer Gifts

She lost her sheep. Maybe they're on the lam!

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Are you made of sugar?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"Well, that one got away."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

If you're happy and you know it...

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"