Nursery Rhyme Renegade Gifts

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'Are you made of sugar?'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"Well, that one got away."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

If you're happy and you know it...

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.