Nursery Rhyme Eccentrics Gifts

'My god, he's insane.'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Are you made of sugar?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Well, that one got away."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

If you're happy and you know it...

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"