Nursery Rhyme Critic Gifts

'Sure I killed Cock Robin - and I did the humpty dumpty job and...' (Headline reads 'Nursery rhymes more violent than TV.)

"I've always been partial to the Goo Goo Dolls."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Are you made of sugar?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Well, that one got away."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

If you're happy and you know it...

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"