Nursery Humorists Gifts

Children's Nursery

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Are you made of sugar?'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"Well, that one got away."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

The bovine who jumped over the news went on to a great career w/ the Bulls!

Mother Goose Timeshare

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"You know that moon was passed a minute ago?..."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'The roof needs icing.'