Numismatic Nut Gifts

'You paid $12,000 for a penny?--Yesterday you complained when I didn't buy generic Jell-O.'

"You're on a what?!"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

One way only.

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

The grim reaper racing a lifeboat to reach a drowning man

'A nutcracker? Admit it, Fred, you're getting old.'

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'After a hard day hunting, I relax by working my patch of green stuff.'

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

'You're going to need a bigger net.'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

'If ever you need a shoulder...'

It's worse than we thought.

"Ahoy!"

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

"He's about your size. Peg-leg. Seen him?"

COVID-19 dime

"It's for weird minds - they're not wired like mine...oh! I'm a poet and didn't know it!"

Divers drinking under water.

"This new pound coin looks like a threepence...it feels like a threepence...and it spends like a threepence."

"Cap'n crunches"

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

'In true pirate tradition all of our sails are made entirely from stolen hotel towels.'

'Bon fromage!'

"Good news, your yacht club membership has arrived!"

"One, one deduction! Two, two deductions! Three, three deductions! Four deductions ah ah ah!!!!!!"

'Gee, why didn't I think of that?'

Bottle Opener.

The cost of education

"Attention... attention... the winner of tonight's lucky oar prize is..."

'When I said 'sit', I meant in the boat.'