Number Nuts Gifts

"This option in the pension is a little tricky. You can start collecting benefits when you're 58 years old, as long as you look 58 years old."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

'Some of those youngsters have come up with a terrific new idea - feathers.'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Today we learned to count to one.

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

Bubble gum leaves

Botany Baby!

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

Gloat

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'It's a combination of March Madness,,, and Linsanity,'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

"I can't wait to start growing limbs so that I can use a tablet..."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.