Numismatic Nut Pillows

'You paid $12,000 for a penny?--Yesterday you complained when I didn't buy generic Jell-O.'

"You're on a what?!"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

One way only.

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

'A nutcracker? Admit it, Fred, you're getting old.'

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'After a hard day hunting, I relax by working my patch of green stuff.'

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

'You're going to need a bigger net.'

"Ahoy!"

'If ever you need a shoulder...'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"He's about your size. Peg-leg. Seen him?"

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

COVID-19 dime

"Cap'n crunches"

Divers drinking under water.

"It's for weird minds - they're not wired like mine...oh! I'm a poet and didn't know it!"

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

'In true pirate tradition all of our sails are made entirely from stolen hotel towels.'

'Bon fromage!'

"Good news, your yacht club membership has arrived!"

'Gee, why didn't I think of that?'

Bottle Opener.

"Attention... attention... the winner of tonight's lucky oar prize is..."

"One, one deduction! Two, two deductions! Three, three deductions! Four deductions ah ah ah!!!!!!"

The cost of education

'When I said 'sit', I meant in the boat.'

$0.13 saved is $0.13 earned. A penny adjusted for inflation from 1737 to today...