Numerical Jokester Gifts

Non-ageist Head-stone

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Math Camp. I should have read the brochure more carefully before I signed up -- It says "Go on an add-venture and have sum fun"!

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

Twitter that!

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"It's the formula for a black hole."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

International Conference on Genetically Modified Crop Development.

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.