Numerical Identity Enthusiast Pillows

'This is your customer number, a number that's all your own and identifies you as a person to us.'

The Life of Pi

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Staff Yearbook

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

But under a different accounting convention ...

1. 0. 5. 6. He'd be nothing without her. (Published originally on June 11, 2008.)

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

Warning: Math Ahead!

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

Boss. The boss treats me like a number, and not a prime one.

Reign Man

Pork Bellies.

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"There's corporate me and there's me, and, by God, we both know how to have fun."

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

57th Birthday balloons

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

Secret Identity Theft.

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

'You're not just a number to me, Abercrombie -- you're an irrational number!'

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

'I used to be dull and boring then, one day, I discovered accountancy.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

"Ever since he saw the new budget he's been obsessing over the numbers."