Novice Diyer Gifts

DIY expert.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

'Mum! Come and see the coffee-table I've made with my new tool-set!'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

Witch Hardware

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Don't worry, she's going to hold the nails.'

"The latest news on the gardening fashion front is 'Ditch the decking'!"

"What's my collar size?"

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Wrong end of extension cord.

Man and boy looking at a birdhouse they have just built. It has a vacancy sign outside it like a motel.

Ikeasaurus

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

Santa's elves were caught resting on their laurels.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

A janitor stomps on, mops up and bottles some grapes to make "Truly Affordable Beaujolais".

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"You didn't read the fine print. This roach spray attracts them."

Tools for fools; A hand-knitted try square.

'Man with birds nesting in hair.'

'I see you're adding a patio.'

Sunflower yellow

"Not a problem Miss: If it's too tight, I'll open it up a bit for you..."

Suddenly Jeff Wished He Hadn't Changed His Desktop Wallpaper.

'He made that sofa himself, the last thing he ever made!'

'Disaster in the making...'

"Great way to change wallpaper. I've put them on rollers."

'Alice, the blonde, speaking.'

Weekend Warrior

Are you going to wax your car, Frank? No --- I don't want to finish something I can't start.

"Why can't we have a proper burglar alarm?"

"You put in the batteries the opposite way!"