Novice Decorator Gifts

Suddenly Jeff Wished He Hadn't Changed His Desktop Wallpaper.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Shelter Cat Nap

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Unfinished Funiture Store.

I'm starting to think our new hardwood floor is made of driftwood.

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

Face Painting.

Moving in

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'