Novelty Product Enthusiast Pillows

Emotional Incontinence Pads

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Now what?!'

'We have a tour every hour, on the hour, Sir...'

'Please enter your pin now.'

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

Some Cricket Novelties.

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

'Hey, isn't that that bloke off the telly?'

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

Drinking Hats

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

'Arthur loves his new job with the fairground - gets a company car as well.'

'Yes dear, matching novelty t-shirts.'

'Turkey dot com.'

"Oh my Gosh...I nearly sheeped my pants."

'You are here' T-shirt,

'Could I borrow your giant scissors for a minute? I cancelled payment on this giant check and I need to cut it up.'

"Fifty bucks and I'll tow it to the nearest novelty shop."

'Welcome stockholders of 'Worldwide Novelty Products'.'

Once the other reindeer had LED noses fitted, they went back to making fun of poor Rudolph again.

'I'll be honest it has a few flaws...'

Toilet Paper

"You must be the new guy!"

Drinking Bird and Fishbowl