Novelty Enthusiast Pillows

"Business is terrible."

'Someone's been sitting in my cubicle!' 'Someone's been eating in my cubicle!' 'Someone's been sleeping in my cubicle!'

'You'll never lose this tie mom and I got for you this Father's Day because it glows in the dark!'

'Could I borrow your giant scissors for a minute? I cancelled payment on this giant check and I need to cut it up.'

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

'I offer a full warranty. If it ever stops, just call me. I'll tell you what time it is.'

'Now what?!'

'Welcome stockholders of 'Worldwide Novelty Products'.'

It may be reminiscent of Rothko, but actually it's my plasma screen.

Castaway has turned desert island upside down. He says to another man: 'The tree wasn't giving enough shade, OK?'

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

'Do you still have the receipt for that 'Fishing for Dummies' book you bought me?'

"Fifty bucks and I'll tow it to the nearest novelty shop."

'It's a great model for a child's first cell phone.'

'Great idea dad but what happens when the viagra wears off?'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

'Turkey dot com.'

'Well, to be quite frank, I'm very disappointed.'

'Yes dear, matching novelty t-shirts.'

Man climbing mountain with sink plungers.

'They say that Earl liked wearing those giant, foam cowboy hats down on earth,'

'It's new, Dental armor, Everything I need for any procedure is right here,'

'Cool, man! The Couch Potato Trophy!'

'It's cute, but I think you're asking to be mugged.'

Bottled Rage Now Available In Cans

Skip in a bottle

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Drinking Bird and Fishbowl

For custom hand-shredding, call Herman B.

"Thiiiings! Things instead of money!"

Experts in fission, fusion and fashion.

"Can you make that with your nose?"