Novelty Junkie Pillows

"We used up our planet's energy source and we're here to hijack yours. Where do you keep all your coffee?"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Trump pardons

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"Who's got the hammer?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"Away with the warmonger!"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Raincloud Umbrella

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin