Novelists Gifts

" 'And so the crack-whore princess and her pimp lived happily ever after. The end.' O.K., that's it. Lights out."

I think in order to be historically accurate you're meant to remove the quill from the bird BEFORE you start trying to write with it!

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

"It's about a whale called Moby Richard."

"I'm starting to get worried. How am I going to be adored, parodied, venerated, denounced, redeemed, and ultimately mythologized if I can't get published?"

"If you kids want to grow up to be writers, it's time we give you something to write about."

'I'm afraid you're a little late for the book signing, Mr. Dickens.'

'Herman Melville would have loved this.'

"During difficult times people often reach out to find new sources of entertainment."

Campaign for Plain English

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

The DaVinci Code

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Honoré de Balzac

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Jean-Paul Sartre

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Television Readers.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Gen-Next Library

John Bunyan

Characters jumping out of a book.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'