Writers Gifts

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

"It's good....but I know these people...they're gonna want specifics!"

North American Newspaper Industry.

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

'I've invented copyright.'

'So you're saying your autobiography has eight sequels?'

Campaign for Plain English

Arthur Schopenhauer

Henrik Ibsen,

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"Oh, he's not a writer - he's a conceptual artist."

Stephen King

"It's about a whale called Moby Richard."

I think in order to be historically accurate you're meant to remove the quill from the bird BEFORE you start trying to write with it!

"I like it, but let's replace the 'evolved from apes' bit with something more plausible - like a talking snake."

'Well, I'll sign your kindle version if you want me to, but won't that ruin the viewing area?'

'Do you have any books by writers?'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

Weapens of Mass Instruction

"During difficult times people often reach out to find new sources of entertainment."

The Gweat Twain Wobbery.

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!

'Of course he answered you with a form letter -- you expect rock stars to know how to write?'

'He's been very lucky - itstarted off as a suicide note!'

Will Self-Driving car

'I haven't had so much as a hug since she took up blogging.'

'...and the axe murderer lived happy ever after...'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'He's been at it for six months, and he still can't think of a pseudonym.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

A Trend In Children's Literature Is Discerned

'The book's a belter we just don't think you're sufficiently good-looking for it to sell.'

Litterary Dogs.

Author signing: Meet the plagiarist.