Nostalgic For The Old West Gifts

"Great. He took two spaces. Now where do I park?"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Nun Fight.

"Can't we ride off in another direction?"

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

Son, you'll never be quick on the draw unless you pull your dang pants up.

"Don't forget your gunfighting helmet."

"Emotional Support Horses Welcome"

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

"Trepanning for gold"

The modern sheriff.

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

"..Not cloudy all day."

"The record player is skipping again."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

"Happy slime trails to you, until we meet again!"

Reality Wagon Train

'Yesterday he was a kingpin, but today he's just a lynchpin.'

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'I must warn you, I'm the fastest gun west of the Rie Grande.' 'WOW! Unfortunately, we're five miles east of the Rio Grande.'

"Barkeep, gimme a shot of your finest whiskey." "Not so fast there, partner." "Oh, sorry. A... sh... ot... of... yo... ur... fin... est... whis... key...."

"Clippety clop, … clippety clop. …. clippety clop. … clippety clop..."

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

'It's what we were afraid of, Virgil. Someone's selling guns to the Indians.'

"If we don't find a place to charge these batteries we ain't gettin' this herd of tumbleweed to Kansas City by sundown."

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

"And don't ever try to use your smartphone during trivia night again!"

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”