North Pole Narrative Fan Pillows

"After 60 years I was expecting some job security but he was just toying with me."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

Thomas Keneally

1688: Pirate Dentistry - "Say ARR!"

"You don't think this could be construed as ironic do you?"

Rudolph's off-season side hustle

God's Double Whammy.

"You believed you were above everyone else, and deserved to look down on others. This is a clear case of shelf-elf-filling prophecy."

Night of the Living Reindeer

Full Serve/Elf Serve

"He must be a South Pole elf..."

"That was naughty AND nice."

The Doomed Character

I caught him curled up on a friends head; do you know what they were playing? Daniel Boone!'

'Whoa, rough landing! Are you guys okay?'

"In America, the streets are paved with gold. And everything else is stuffed with cheese and bacon."

"It's just temporary, Comet, until Rudolph feels better."

"For the last time, Dad, I don't want to be a dentist! I want to make toys like the other elves."

'Your job on these shirts is to translate the washing instructions in 49 different languages.'

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.

Filling up with Deersil.

"Santa's workshopping"

'Collected Works' of Santa Clause

"Psst! Tell them they made egg nog too strong!"

'. . . Now you're an accounting elf and a putting-heads-on-dolls elf. . . Times are tough. Would you rather be the one tiny reindeer pulling the sleigh this year.'

Are the North Pole bars closed?

"They represent the candy cane guild."

Santa Clause answers Girl's Phone Call

"Late, as usual."

'Actually, I don't know how much I pay the elves - Mrs. Santa handles all the financial stuff.'

He's just been told that due to increased infrastructural costs we're being relaocated to Swindon.