Non-controversial Conversations Pillows

"And you know why I'm his best friend? We never discuss politics or religion."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

Very Difficult Conversations

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"How about a hand."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Dialogue

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

A lesson in wit

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"This is Miss Jones, Doctor - I want you to cheer her up. She's been through hell recently."

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

'Sorry, what was that?'

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

"Stock photo, right?"