Non-alcoholic Drink Explorer T-Shirts

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

Complaints Desk

Wine of the Day Club

'New Barbeque.'

What's your most popular drink? Why do you want to know? Why base your order on what other people are buying? Don't be a follower. Be your own man. If you're unfamiliar with a drink, ask what's in it and decide for yourself whether that sounds good. Or better yet, live a little. Take a risk. Choose a drink you've never had at random and see where it takes you. You only have one life. Don't live it following in the footsteps of other people. That's kind of harsh. No, it's the name of the drink.

California Beverages Map

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'Beer? Wassat then?'

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

Dutch Courage

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

Hold The Pickles

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

Grinds

"What the ... this is rootbeer."

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

the Lesser-known Nogs

Man sees energy drink go hopping by.

'I'm seizing the day.'

"Lager!"

Potato-ade - unleash the awesome power of the potato!

Cocktails and Beer

The Guy Who Invented An Alcohol Substitute

'Do you have any coffee?'

Aprés-ski, Aprés-curl, Aprés board

"This one's a blend of historical and contemporary botanicals."

This cocktail menu had me sold on a pink squirrel right up until they got to the word "scurry."

'They've set the bar too high!'