Noble Connoisseur Gifts

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Bathroom Fairy

"He's an abstract artist."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"It's called 'Sold'."

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

Moliere

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Who's the artist?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

C Day Lewis.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

"You have indeed purchased an original Rembrandt. A Ralph Rembrandt."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov