Nighttime Tv Addicts Gifts

"Boy o boy, there's really nothing worth watching on TV late at night..."

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Big screen TV falling through floor

Stephen Fry

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"The end of my favorite series is near."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Can't Touch This

A couple decides what to watch.

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Is anything good on?"

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

The cradle of mankind

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'