Nighttime Routine Gifts

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

Late night teddy reading

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Toothbrush Romance

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"Hello moon, the sun sends his regards."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."