Nick Knack Enthusiast Pillows

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'I hate all holidays!'

"This blood knot ought to be re-named the blood, sweat and tears knot."

Scuba: 'You call that a knot, now this is a knot.'

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'Help!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'Honey, it's your worms of the month delivery!'

Bush vs. America

"Who's there?" "Who's askin'!?"

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

My Musical Influences

Michel de Montaigne

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Since when did my opinions become 'riffs'?"

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

Children's Self-Help Books. How to Look for a Lost Toy Without Moving a Muscle. It IS Possible to Make a More Annoying Sound! Tying the Impossible Knot. Mom! MOM! Moooooom!

Know Your Knots!

From 'Theory of Knots': Thumb Knot, Spanish Bowline and Double-knotted shoelace which is impossible to open.

'Today we learned how to make knots!'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'You love anything tacky, don't you?'

'She loves me...she loves my knot...she loves me...she loves my knot...'

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

Poet and Peasant

"We won't lose any more socks in the laundry...I knotted them all together."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."