Next-gen Guardian Gifts

"One day, son, all this will be left to you to sort out."

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"He likes it."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

The new global mantra flag for the future

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"