Video Game Guardian Gifts

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

Gamergate

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

"Tommy!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Deaths from Coronavirus

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

His family thought he'd been wasting his life, but Steve Wiebe was about to prove everyone wrong.

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."