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Headlines you may have missed. . . .April Fools!

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

Marley had a little lamb

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Rapunzcow

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"One blackbird pizza?"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

Animal immigration

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'

Who's Dead