Medical Story Collector T-Shirts

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

'Medical science is this close to finding a cure for the common evil vapors.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

'Hi. I'm Don.'

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

Hospital. Does your foot fall asleep in that position? On the contrary, it was up all night.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'I'm going to exaggerate the seriousness of your illness...It'll make you feel better.'

"It's a Plodcast!"

"Your heart is OK, but after all the tests we ran, your bank may need a transplant."

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

'I think you've reached the mandatory retirement number of oopses.'

"It's probably nothing..."

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

"Oh, and a five and five ones."