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The story of my op. - please take one

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

Pediatrics: Anatomy

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Covid Vaccines

'...and what's really interesting is that there's still 99.9% of the human brain we still know nothing about.'

An early medical case ripe for a malpractice lawsuit.

Antique Ailments

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Would it kill you to ask me how I'm doing?'

Brain Wave Research Lab. No, Ernie, it doesn't mean that your brain has little, moving hands.

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

'What's that noise?'

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."

'I never make the same mistake twice!'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

"I'm afraid your husband didn't make it, but we did manage to save his leg."

"The bad side effects are your medical plan doesn't cover the cost of this medication."

"Oxygen is a poison. And it takes about 90 years to kill us."

Hypochondriac Convention

Hyacinthe Vincent

Family doctor.