Medical Tale Enthusiast Prints

The story of my op. - please take one

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

Pediatrics: Anatomy

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'...and what's really interesting is that there's still 99.9% of the human brain we still know nothing about.'

An early medical case ripe for a malpractice lawsuit.

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

Antique Ailments

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Would it kill you to ask me how I'm doing?'

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

'What's that noise?'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

'I never make the same mistake twice!'

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

"Oxygen is a poison. And it takes about 90 years to kill us."

"The bad side effects are your medical plan doesn't cover the cost of this medication."

"I'm afraid your husband didn't make it, but we did manage to save his leg."

Hypochondriac Convention

Family doctor.

"Congratulations, Mr. Roth. You are now officially a syndrome."

"We're hoping for an uptick."