News Headline Collector T-Shirts

"Apparently reading about the causes of cancer gives you cancer."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Scientist seen on loch.

'We're here to talk to your son about his website...'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

Trump and Erdoğan

'Let me rephrase your question and answer with a 10 second sound bite to catch the next news cycle.'

Will Israel's democracy survive this?

"Sorry, but statistics don't lie: hippopotamus are more dangerous to humans than lions..."

Violence in Mexico

"It was a mixed dayon wall street. Stocks were down, but bonuses were up."

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"It says here the word 'brandy' comes from a Dutch word meaning burnt wine. At last, something appropriate to serve at one of your barbeques!"

Fred's Newstand - forefront of the new post-industrial information society.

'Watch the news with the sound turned off. You're suffering from information overload.'

'Breaking news. . . I've just found out my wife has left me.'

Water-main break - "Very serious." - The Times

'If you two can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!!'

Headlines you may have missed. . . .April Fools!

Made America Coronavirus

Next week's headlines

Donald Trump and co.

Tony Blair: 'Everything's going PR shaped.'

'My opponent called me a 'terrible liar.''

"Stop the presses!" "Press the stops!"

"The weather guy called. He's gathering momentum, but there's a 60% chance he won't get here on time."

Vlad Deals With Failure

'Mya, you'll go nuts worrying about all the things you can do nothing about!'

"£11,231,371! You know what this means - beggin' letters, con tricks, kidnap threats. . . We'll start with the letters, what's his address again?"

"Do you know where your registered sex offenders are living?"