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Next week's headlines

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

'How fast can you hype?'

Big Newspaper Delivery

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The dead sea scrolls

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

The Daily Fury

Who's Dead

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'