Newsstory Collector Gifts

Headlines you may have missed. . . .April Fools!

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Rapunzcow

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

"One blackbird pizza?"

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

Who's Dead

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'

'I can't believe this: We spend all our time hiding from humans, but they keep on publishing stories about us anyway...'