Collecting News Stories Gifts

Headlines you may have missed. . . .April Fools!

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

"How awful! - was he a band, or an orchestra conductor?"

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Horace Greeley's Storm Battered Coat and Hat

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

Breakfast Printing Press

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'The stock market closed early today due to an outbreak of 'altitude sickness'.'

Fred's Newstand - forefront of the new post-industrial information society.

NY Tribune Joins NY Herald on Hobby Horse of Anti-Grant Editorials

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

Joke Shop and Novelties

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

'If the 11 o'clock news gives you insomnia, don't watch it.'

Newspapers discussing how they are made from recycled paper.